


Impulse (College AU)

by goblinmayo



Category: Love Island (Video Game)
Genre: Best Friends, Developing Relationship, Exes, F/M, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Mutual Pining, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2019-12-18
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:00:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21527968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goblinmayo/pseuds/goblinmayo
Summary: Bobby was my best friend. We had the odd class together, one or two times a week. We had this unspoken connection, where he would shoot me knowing looks when something funny happened, or turn to look at me smiling when he was bored during a lecture. We knew each other and welcomed each others presence without having ever spoken a word to the other. When we were forced to actually speak to each other, thrown together for a group project, it was like we had known each other for years. We bounced off of each other, giggling like children. We went so well together.
Relationships: Bobby/Main Character (Love Island), Chelsea/Main Character (Love Island), Noah/Main Character (Love Island)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 40





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> “Great things are not done by impulse, but by a series of small things brought together” -Vincent Van Gogh
> 
> Anyway I hate this piece of writing but I hope you guys enjoy

I walked into the classroom, dragging my feet. I rolled my eyes slightly at the loud atmosphere that surrounded me the second I walked in, this combined with the brightly colored, educational posters was nearly overwhelming. I swung my bag up onto the desk, pulling out a thick binder along with my computer. I zipped the bag back up and dropped it to the floor with a loud thunk.

“Hey,” I murmured, sliding into my seat. 

“Hey,” Bobby repeated, searching for something in his bag. I opened my mouth to ask what he was looking for, but he was already one step ahead of me, as always. “I can’t find my notes from last class,” he didn’t look up and continued looking through his bag. Bobby was my best friend. We had the odd class together, one or two times a week. We had this unspoken connection, where he would shoot me knowing looks when something funny happened, or turn to look at me smiling when he was bored during a lecture. We knew each other and welcomed each others presence without having ever spoken a word to the other. When we were forced to actually speak to each other, thrown together for a group project, it was like we had known each other for years. We bounced off of each other, giggling like children. We went _so_ well together. 

“You can just take a picture of mine, if you want,” I offered, opening my binder and retrieving a crisp sheet of paper. He zipped his backpack and sat up, looking at me for the first time since I had walked in. He stopped, his demeanor changed. 

“You look like shit, Ruby,” He admitted, sliding the paper towards him and taking out his phone, snapping a picture. I laughed a little too loudly, bitterly, as I suddenly a little more aware of how I looked. I was still wearing the clothes I slept in, my unbrushed hair in a loose ponytail, wearing the glasses I’d worn almost exclusively on bad days when I couldn't be bothered with contacts since I got them, in sophomore year of highschool. 

“I broke up with Noah this morning,” I said, almost indifferently. Bobby’s eyes widened. 

“Oh my god, Ruby,” He cocked his head slightly, trying to read me. “Are you okay?” he asked, throwing his arms around me. We hugged for a moment before I pulled back. 

“I will be, but Noah’s devastated,” I watched as the professor walked into the room. I turned to face Bobby again. “It was time.” 

I sat on my bed watching Fresh Prince reruns, their brightly colored clothes lingering in my vision. My phone buzzed against my leg, it was Bobby. 

“Hey,” I said softly into the receiver. 

“Hey Ruby,” there was a short pause “Um, I just wanted to make sure you’re okay,” his voice was fuzzy over the phone. 

“Don’t worry about me,” a small smile crept across my face as a loud commercial played. “It’s kind of late. You could go to a party or something,” 

“It's a tuesday night,” 

“I bet you could find one, there's always someone partying,” a small laugh echoed through the phone.

“I really just wanted to make sure you’re okay. Breakups are never easy,” 

“Really, I am. Just because you holed yourself up and watched tasty videos for three days with your last girlfriend doesn’t mean I will,” we both laughed for a moment. 

“That was harsh,” he spat, catching his breath. 

“I’ll probably talk it over with Chelsea, or get drunk.” I sighed. “Or both,” I added for good measure. 

“Just call me if you need anything, seriously” 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Bobby” I said, my smile reflected in the tone of my voice.

“Bye,” I hung up the phone and threw it down on the bed, turning away. I drew my legs to my chest as the commercial blinked off and The Fresh Prince theme song played once again.

Chelsea wandered into the room, still in her ditzy work uniform. It was past midnight.

“Hi,” she said mindlessly, hanging her purse by the door. “Work was hell, again. This group of old guys wouldn’t leave me alone and all I could do was laugh and agree,” She scoffed. She worked at a late night, rest stop diner. I didn’t blame her for complaining. “I think I’m just going to jump right in the shower, I have to study and I want to get to sleep before like, two,” She said, a slight giggle in her voice. I cleared my throat.  
“Chelsea?” I asked, rubbing my eyes. She gave a small grunt of acknowledgment. “I broke up with Noah today,” She whipped around, her mouth gaping slightly. 

“Oh my god, really?” she stared at me, her eyes wide with shock. “What happened?” she asked, sitting down on the bed next to me. She rested her hand on my knee reassuringly. 

“Honestly, I'm not quite sure,” I said as the TV droned on in the background. “I woke up this morning and decided to. I hadn’t even really considered it as a serious option until then but I couldn’t get it out of my mind, like ‘I need to do this.’ You were already gone, and I kind of just went with it on a whim,” I took a long breath and cleared my throat. “I walked over to his house, I didnt even change out of my pajamas or anything. Another boy let me in, and I went up to his room,” Chelsea frowned, her eyebrows knit. “Thank god he was awake, I wouldn't have been able to do it if I had to wake him up,” I added, harshly rubbing my hand across my lips, “He was getting ready, and I just told him, you know, we need some time apart. He cried,” I paused. “He cried really hard for a long time, and I just sat there and cried with him, I just apologized repeatedly until he told me to leave,” I shook my head. “It's not like I was profoundly unhappy, I…” I trailed off. “I just hope I made the right decision,” 

“Ruby...I’m so, so sorry,” She said, wrapping her arms around me. She gave me a tight squeeze before ultimately letting me go. 

“I loved him, I still do, and it killed me seeing him so upset. I just felt like I needed out,” I paused. “Seriously, I felt so bad, Chelsea,” I confessed as she gingerly placed her hand on my arm. 

“You need to trust yourself, you can't go second guessing now. If you had even an inkling of doubt in your relationship, it was never going to last. You did the right thing by leaving,” she hugged me again before standing up. “I love you, I’ve got white claw and champagne in the fridge,” She added, giggling. “We can have a girl party,”

“I love you too,” I laughed “You always know what to say,” I said, laughing as she leaned into the bathroom and turned on the shower. 

“Everything is going to be just fine,” she cooed, grabbing a towel off of the dresser. “Goodnight,”

“Goodnight,” I echoed, reaching for the remote. She shut the bathroom door as I shut off the TV and flicked off the lights in one swift motion. I pulled the comforter up around my neck and tried to calm my racing mind.

I leaned in closer to the mirror, inspecting my dark circles as Chelsea stood idly behind me. I turned around to face her. She looked me over, both of us still in pajamas. 

“Did you get any sleep last night?” she asked, one eyebrow raised. 

“Not really,” I answered. “I didn't fall asleep at all until like, 3, and then I kept waking up, so,” She tucked a blonde hair behind her ear. 

“Well,” she started, “You can either stay home and wallow in self pity, or, I could help you get cute for class?” she clasped her hands together and shifted her weight from foot to foot, pleading. “Please? It would probably be nice to get your mind off things anyway,”

“Even though I know I’d prefer to stay home, you can help me get ready,” I said, not wanting to let her down. She squealed and darted to her dresser. She grabbed several makeup bags, and a few articles of clothing from the second drawer. She put them down on the desk gently. “That's how much I value our friendship,” I joked, plopping down in the desk chair. 

“I'm like your stylist!” She stood behind me and grabbed the hair brush off the table top. She gently dragged the brush through my knotted hair. She got quiet for a moment, concentrating. She hesitated for a moment, holding a bunch of my hair in her hand. “You should go blonde, best decision I ever made,” She suggested, studying the lock of hair in her fist before continuing to brush it. 

“Going through a major break up and then immediately bleaching your hair isn't a great look,” She giggled before setting the brush down. 

“True, but I'm not convinced anything could look bad on you,” 

“Flattering me isn’t going to help,” I laughed. 

“What?” she said, smiling, “I don't see anything wrong with it, have some fun, do something impulsive! And It's not like I’m lying anyway,” 

“Oh shut up,” I retorted as she giggled smugly. She grabbed two small elastics off the desk in front of me, tying off each twin braid. She spun around the desk chair, my freshly plaited hair flying behind me. I sat meekly in the chair as Chelsea towered over me, searching for a specific product in her seemingly bottomless makeup bag. She unscrewed the cap of a concealer, dotting it under my eyes. I let out a long sigh as she continued. 

“I don't mean to get all sad while you're doing my makeup, but I can't really help it,”

“Its okay, babes,” She reassured me as she dusted powder around my face. 

“I'm really struggling,” I admitted. “I really can't tell if I made the right decision,” She bronzed and blushed my cheeks, tapping the tiniest bit on my nose. She sighed as she shut one compact and opened another. “I could’ve just stayed and waited for this feeling to pass, I don’t know,”

“I cannot tell you anything you don't already know, but I can aid in your self discovery,” She said, standing up straight and striking a noble pose. “I read that on a wall hanging, I can't remember who said it though,” She looked sullen for a moment before cracking a new smile and continuing my makeup. “Or it might’ve been from a movie, same sentiment though,” we both fell silent for a moment. “Why did you do it?” She asked, bouncing highlighter along my cheekbones. 

“I don't know,” I lied. 

“Were you unhappy? Bored?” 

“No,” I said, that much was genuine. “It felt like I just woke up and decided he wasn't right for me anymore. It felt right though, like in the moment, I knew exactly what I was doing,”

“Maybe your subconscious was a few steps ahead of you,” she handed me a mascara wand, ”Whether you know it or not, there was a reason. It will become clear eventually,” She added as I applied the mascara. She stood back, proud of her creation. “I have to go, but put on those clothes,” She pointed to the outfit folded on the desk next to me. She opened the door and grabbed her bag. “Hope you feel better, babe,” She called as she shut the door behind her. I turned to the door, the room buzzing in her absence, I was shocked at her apparent wisdom. I pulled the outfit onto my lap, unfolding it. I held up the pair of jeans and matching cropped t shirt in front of me before standing up. I slipped off my dirty clothes and carefully put on the new ones laid out for me. I stood in front of the mirror and fiddled with the hem of the t-shirt, posing. I heard my phone ring behind me, the fast melody obnoxiously loud. I turned around, my footsteps light with curiosity. I picked up my phone, Noah’s smiling face looking back at me, I hurriedly declined it, stuffing my phone into my back pocket. I glanced back at my alarm clock, checking the time before grabbing my bag and heading out the door. 

I walked into the lecture hall, straight to my usual seat, hoping to go unnoticed. I slid into my chair, scanning the room for Bobby. I located him a few seats over from where he usually sat. He looked me up and down, his head slightly cocked as he smiled. He shook his head, as if laughing before reaching for his phone. My phone vibrated on my lap almost instantly. 

‘You look like Chelsea’ his text read. I smiled, my eyebrows raised. 

‘She dressed me’ I shot back.

‘Really?’ 

‘I’m literally wearing her clothes’ I replied. Across the room, I saw him shake his head and throw his head into his hands. I could hear his soft, wheezy laughter from my seat. ‘I love her so much, I was all sad so she literally became my personal stylist,’ I typed ‘I didn’t even ask, she just kinda assumed the position’ I sent. The message ticked over from ‘delivered’ to ‘read’. Bobby slammed his fist onto the flimsy folding desk top, his laughter intensifying. ‘it was like Queer Eye’ I added, giggling to myself. I heard him take a loud, gasping breath, as my phone dinged.

‘I’m crying, Like actually.’ He wiped his face. I started typing another message. 

‘Noah called me this morning.’ I paused. ‘I panicked and declined the call but I think that was the wrong thing to do,’ My finger hovered over the send button. I looked over at Bobby, staring down at his phone screen expectantly. I looked back down at my own phone for a second before holding down the delete button. I watched as the individual letters disappeared, then whole words until the whole message was gone. ‘I’m swamped today’ I typed in its place. ‘Im not going to be done with classes until, like six, and then I have a bunch of projects I have to work on, it's going to suck,’ I hit the send button, it was a safe choice. 

‘How do you even have classes that late?,’ he wrote back as the professor walked in ‘here comes hard ass, talk later,’ he added just as the professor set down his bag and started the lesson. As I slid my phone back into my bag, I saw the screen light up once again. I glanced over to Bobby, who was listening to the professors drawl contently. Reluctantly, I retrieved my phone. My phone continued to vibrate as Noah’s number circulated across the screen. A strong pang of guilt washed over me as I turned off my phone, sliding it back into my bag silently. I crossed my legs under the desk, attempting to refocus on the words printed on the brightly colored powerpoint being projected. 

I strode into the dorm, slamming the door shut behind me. I dropped my bag by the door, fishing in the pockets for my phone before throwing myself onto the bed. I rolled onto my back, staring at the ceiling as I brushed a few stray hairs out of my eyes. I turned on my phone, sighing and rubbing my eyes tiredly. According to the notification displayed proudly on my lock screen, I had missed seven calls from Noah in total, seven calls and one voicemail. I sat up, forcing myself out of bed. I dragged my bag over to the desk, pulling out a heavy binder. I kicked my dirty clothes from this morning out of the way and pulled the office chair out from under the desk. I sat down, tiredly opening the binder. ‘Human Nature: Self Interest Versus The Greater Good’ the front paper read. Frustrated, I slammed the binder shut again. I let out a loud laugh, the irony like a punch in the gut. I stood up from the desk and shook my head as I grabbed my phone off the bed, unlocking it and opening Noah’s voicemail almost instantly. 

“Hey babe,” His rich voice unusually rough and tired. “Uh… I just wanted to let you know, I do love you, and I miss you. I’m just not sure how this is going to work, if it’s going to work,” He corrected himself. “Call me when you get this message, please. Love you, bye,” His last words reverberated as I shut my phone, throwing it back on the bed. I sat on the bed for a moment, calculating. I laid down, my feet dangling off the edge. I reached over my head and grabbed my pillow, throwing it over my face, red hot with embarrassment and sadness. I willed myself not to cry. I pulled the pillow off of my face and stuffed it behind my head, I shifted onto my side, staring at the wall. I forced my eyes shut, trying to prevent the tears welling up in my eyes from running down my face, welcoming sleep as it came.

I woke up, my mascara smeared under my eyes. I sat up in bed and stared out the window at the newly darkened sky. I rubbed my eyes and stood up, checking the time. I strode over to the mini fridge, crouching to see inside. I reached in and grabbed the bottle of champagne by the neck. I read the label and shrugged, grabbing the six pack of white claws from the door before standing up and kicking it closed. I placed the cardboard container down on the desk, gripping the bottle tightly. I pushed the cork out, the room filled with its satisfying pop. A foreign, melancholy feeling gripping me as I stood alone. I took a long swig from the bottle, cursing before setting it down. I opened the binder again, fumbling for a pen. In Between sips, I scribbled notes in the margins, editing, crossing out and rewriting as I went. My notes became less and less coherent as the night went on, the stack of papers dwindling.

I picked up the champagne bottle, my hand freezing mid air as I realized it was empty. I set it back down, sitting still for a moment before remembering the white claws on the desk next to me. I reached for one, my hand grasped the cold aluminium and fumbled with the pull tab. After a few too many tries, It cracked open with a loud hiss. The carbonation fizzled as I wrinkled my nose, turning away. I put the can down next to the stack of papers. I looked down at the paper, looking over my annotations, my handwriting barely legible. I sighed and took a long sip from the open can, shaking my head as I swallowed. I held my pen in my hand again, my mind swimming as I leaned over the stack of papers. 

I closed my binder, finishing off the last sip of my drink. I sat at the desk, zoning in and out periodically. I stared back at my phone sitting on the bed, reminded of the voicemail. I stood up from the chair and stretched, trembling slightly. I snatched my phone off of the bed and grabbed a sweater, running my fingers over the soft threads as I wrapped myself in it. I opened the door and looked into the empty hall. Cautiously, I stepped out. I stood in the center of the corridor for a moment, debating. Slowly, I turned and meandered down the hall towards the exit. I pushed against the metal door, steeling myself against the harsh November night. The cold air instantly bit my cheeks as I stumbled across the empty courtyard, the dormitory across the way seeming like a light at the end of the tunnel. The sound of my sneakers shuffling against the alumni stones was nearly deafening against the sounds of the night. I approached the entrance silently, staring down the hall. I stood with my hand on the door handle, frozen, feeling like I was stuck in a bad TV drama. Even my drunken mind had managed to raise question to whether or not this was a good idea. I turned the handle slowly and deliberately, “Do something impulsive!” echoing in my head. I crept down the hall, trying to be as quiet as possible as I stopped and knocked on one of the doors. Bobby answered the door in his pajamas, a pen behind his ear. 

“Get in here,” he said, pulling me in by my shoulder. “It's got to be past midnight, the RA will get mad if anyone sees you,” He shut the door behind me, his room was dark. He gave me a once over “Ruby, you look like a picasso painting,” I smiled goofily 

“You do know how Picasso painted people, right?”

“Yes,” he answered, “You're drunk,” He sat me down on the edge of his bed. 

“I am,” I reported, giggling. “I drank Chelsea’s entire bottle of champagne, and like 5 whiteclaws, give or take. Turns out I don't really like the pink ones,”

“It's no wonder you can't walk straight,” he paused. “Were you crying?,” he added, studying my face. He gestured under his eyes.

“Only a little,” I admitted. “I’m not really doing great right now,” I slurred and stifled a giggle, suddenly struck by how stupid I was being. “Honestly, I kind of just want to be around you,” I felt my phone start to vibrate in my pocket. “Do you have like water, or something,” I asked, gesturing in the general area of my throat. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Bobby said, turning the corner and opening a closet door. I pulled my phone out, pressing the green button without a second thought, or a first, really. 

“Ruby?” Noah asked. “I wasn't expecting you to answer, I was just going to leave another message,” He said and cleared his throat. 

“It's been killing me, declining your calls,” I whispered “It's just-” Bobby walked back into the room, 

“Here, I got you a bottle,” He said, handing it to me. I took it, tensely, praying Noah had not heard him. 

“Where are you?” Noah asked, his voice low. “Was that Bobby?” He asked, his voice growing louder and more shrill over the phone. 

“Noah, Im really, really drunk right now, I can't deal with this. I just didn't want to decline your call again,” I was well aware of the fact I didn’t answer his question. The line fell silent. Bobby covered his mouth at the mention of his name. 

“Were you cheating on me?” Noah asked, his hurt, accusatory voice all too familiar.

“God, no,” I retorted

“I don't believe you,” He said “I mean, you must know how this looks right now. That would explain it, I guess,”

“Please tell me you're not serious,” I said, my words slurring once again.

“You were supposed to be mine, Ruby”

“And I was,” I shot back, my hands trembling. I took a deep breath, composing myself. “Can we talk about this another time? Like adults?” There was a grumble of general agreement as he hung up. I threw my phone down next to me, resting my face in my hands. 

“What just happened?” Bobby asked, fiddling with his sweatshirt string as he stood in front of me. I took my hands down, twisting open the water bottle and taking a small sip. 

“Noah thinks I cheated on him,” I stated. “And as always, I didn’t, obviously,” 

“Why?”

“He heard you talking, I think. I guess he already had his suspicions and that was enough to set him off,” He furrowed his brows slightly. 

“Huh. Well, it’ll pass, if you want it to,”

“I don’t,” I said. Truth be told, it was infinitely more complex than that. In my mind, it was laid out perfectly. But the second it came to leave my lips it jumbled into incomprehensible, raw feelings. I rubbed my eyes sluggishly as I tried to formulate a response. He nodded towards the bed. 

“You can crash here if you’d like,” he said, sitting back down in front of his open textbook. “I don’t think you should walk back drunk and alone this late anyway,” I laid down on the bed, bringing my knees to my chest. I faced Bobby as he started reading from the book again. 

“What are you doing?,” I asked quietly. 

“Annotating,” He looked at me and smiled, “Seriously, go to sleep,” He said as we both laughed quietly. The only sound in the room was Bobby’s pen scratching against notebook paper as we both sat quietly. I watched intently as Bobby read and took notes. I watched his eyes dart across the book, or his brows furrow as he scribbled something in his adjacent notebook, I enjoyed the intimate mundanity.

“Bobby?” I asked, my voice not much higher than a whisper. 

“Yeah?” he answered, barely looking up from his book. His tone was soft and light, as if he were addressing a child. 

“I love you,” I looked up at him, studying his side profile in the low light cast by his table lamp, his tired posture. He stopped writing, hesitating. 

“I love you too,” He said, chuckling as the words came out, he continued writing. 

“Bobby…” I said, looking down, my eyebrows drawn into a worried expression. “Not like that,” I whispered. He turned to face me, realization settling in. 

“You’re drunk, you really should just go to sleep,” 

“That’s why I broke up with Noah. I love you, not him, I love _you_ ,” I explained, my words slurred and my voice wobbled. I was vulnerable. The room fell silent once again. He shut his textbook and stood up. He grabbed a folded blanket from the foot of the bed and threw it over me, wordlessly. He stood next to the bed, looking down on me as he ran a hand through his hair.

“We can talk about it in the morning,” he rubbed his eyes. “Both of our minds will be clearer,” We locked eyes for a second and his expression softened. He opened his mouth to say something, but shook his head and remained silent. After a moment of mutual silence, he turned on his heel and stepped into the bathroom. As he shut the door, he glanced back towards me, and for a moment, I thought I saw him smiling. 

I stared at the ceiling, struck by its unfamiliarity. It took a moment before I remembered where I was. I sat up, grasping for the water bottle I opened last night. I drank from the bottle, pausing to catch my breath before finishing it and placing the empty bottle in my lap, I breathed in the faint scent of his cologne. I swung my legs over the side of the bed and looked up at the bathroom’s closed door. I stood up and wandered to the door, opening it slowly. I peeked around the edge, relieved when it was empty. I walked back out and shoved my phone in my back pocket, ignoring the several missed calls from Chelsea. I looked around the room, trying to remember if I had brought anything else with me. 

The hall looked different in the light of day. It was warmer, the fluorescent lighting reflected against the tile. The blue tint I remembered, absent. As I shut the door, the neighboring door flew open. A boy with blonde hair stood in the threshold, wearing nothing but a pair of basketball shorts. 

“I wanted to see you do the walk of shame,” He said, leaning on the door frame, looking me up and down. I shook my head.

“What?” 

“Bobby came here, middle of the night last night and asked to crash on my couch. I wanted to see the girl who could force him out of his own bed,” he spoke in a thick southern accent. “It mustve been some uncomfortable sex,” He said, laughing and wrinkling his nose as a huge grin spread across his face. “Because I would not mind having you in my bed,” 

“We didn't ha-,” I stopped myself, turning my palms up. I turned and walked quickly towards the exit without another word. I pushed open the door, taking in a deep breath of fresh air as I started to walk across the bustling courtyard. I wove in between people, catching bits of conversation as I passed by. A dull headache pounded in the back of my head. I walked back into my dorm, praying the door would still be unlocked. I twisted the door handle slowly, smiling to myself when it didn’t stop. I opened the door, waving to Chelsea in the mirror as she brushed her hair. She whipped around, her eyes like quarters. 

“I’m so glad you’re back,” she breathed. “I saw you outside as I was getting back last night and when you didn’t come back or answer my texts I got really worried,” I rubbed my forehead, remembering the missed calls I saw as I was leaving. 

“Sorry, I didn’t see them until like ten minutes ago,” I paused for a beat. “I also drank your bottle of champagne, so sorry about that too,” I added. 

“It’s okay, it was only seven dollars,” She laughed out loud, standing up and looking at me, raising an eyebrow, she hugged me. “Where were you?” She asked as she pulled away. I shot her an apathetic glance. 

“I'm not telling,” I responded teasingly. She placed a hand on my shoulder, holding me at arms length, her eyebrows still raised at me. 

“I’m just glad you’re okay,” her lips curled into a small smile. “You should get changed, though,” She added. I smiled. 

“I have a lethal hangover. I’m staying home,” I said, peeling off my sweater and hanging it on the back of the door. “I need to shower,” I added, shaking my head. 

“I bet you’re glad we got a suite this year,” She said as she fiddled with her hair in the mirror. I nodded dramatically. 

“Yeah, it’s hard to pity yourself in the shower if there’s a line forming,” I added. She leaned over to check the time, seemingly nonplussed by my attempted joke. 

“I’ve got to run, but we’ll talk later?,” She frowned as she reached for her bag. “I feel like we never spend time together anymore. I mean now all I do is work, and go to class. I miss hanging out with you,” I smiled sympathetically, cocking my head. “Chelsea…I miss hanging out with you, too,” I said, struggling to keep a smile on my face. “If you have a break today, I’ll be home all day,” Her smile broadened. “Actually, I think I do. We can start a movie or something,” She glanced at her watch quickly before looking back up. “I’ll see you then,” She chirped as she slipped out the door. 

I stood idly in front of the mirror for a second, glowering at myself. How could I be so stupid? I grasped the end of my braid, fumbling with the hair tie. I sighed frustratedly as I unbraided the hair, running my fingers through the curled pieces. I did the same on the other side, my fingers trembling as I finished. I threw my hands up to cover my face, squeezing my eyes closed, I took them down, biting my lip nervously. I groaned and backed away from the mirror, grabbing a towel off of the dresser. I walked into the bathroom, still angry at myself. I couldn’t believe that, even drunk, I could be so careless. I turned on the shower, hot anger rising in me. I took off my clothes, leaving them crumpled on the floor. I stepped into the shower, letting the hot water beat against my back. I stood, the water running through my hair and down my back, swallowing back the persistent lump in my throat. I was angry. It was my own negligence, my own flaws coming back to bite me. I leaned forward against the wall, hot, angry tears spilling down my face. The pit in my stomach growing as I tried to put last night in order. I went over it in my mind, thinking of what I would say to Bobby when I inevitably had to face him. I would lie, apologize, say I was sorry when I wasn’t. Damage control, preparing my concession. I would expose myself to the nth degree, my apparent selfishness and delusion. Anything to keep from losing him. 

I stepped out of the shower, my breathing slightly ragged. I wiped my eyes and grabbed the towel from its spot on the sink. I grabbed my dirty clothes from the floor, throwing them in the hamper. I looked at myself in the foggy mirror, mascara still smeared under my tired eyes. I scoffed, almost pitying myself as I stumbled from the room. I got dressed silently and wiped off my remaining makeup, struggling not to cry. I brushed through my wet hair, drying the excess water with a towel. Someone rapped on the door loudly, I set the hairbrush down, trying my best to stay calm. I knew it was him. I stood in front of the door, and wiped my eyes one last time before opening the door. Bobby stood there, his hands in his pockets. His eyes lit up when he saw me. He grabbed me, wrapping me in a tight hug. We stood there for a moment, his strong arms around me as I listened to his heart thumping. I reached up and hugged him back as he moved a hand to cradle my head. I breathed in the scent of his cologne mingled with the fresh laundry fragrance wafting off his hoodie. I smiled, stunned. 

“I wasn’t sure you’d be home,” he said, smiling back. I nodded him into the room as I shut the door. 

“Bobby, let me just explain myself before you say anything more,” He nodded, 

“Okay,” He fiddled with his thumb as I took a deep breath. 

“I owe you an apology. I really shouldn’t have said anything, and I’m sorry. I put you in an uncomfortable position, it was unfair to you,” Bobby shook his head.

“Ruby, it’s not like that,” 

“You are the best friend I’ve ever had, Bobby. If there’s anything I can do to make this okay,” I cleared my throat in an attempt to compose myself.

“Don’t apologize,” He pleaded. I sighed, making brief eye contact with him. 

“I was constantly fighting with myself, knowing it was wrong but still trying to gauge if you felt the same way. I guess I was happy with Noah but I would always picture myself with you. Bowling, watching a movie, whatever he and I were doing I always kind of hoped I’d look over and see you instead. When my phone would ring late at night or I was singing in the car, I would think of you. I knew it wasn’t right, I felt like such a bad person. I couldn’t stand leading him on anymore,” I took a slow breath. 

“I should’ve reacted differently,” He said, reaching for my hand, He gently intertwined his fingers with mine. I felt my heart beating as I looked at him in disbelief. “Honestly, I should’ve said something, I just didn’t know If you would feel the same way come morning. I didn’t want to put you in a position where you couldn’t change your mind. The last thing I wanted to do was make you upset. I really do care about you, Ruby,” I felt as If the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders. “I think it's always kind of been there for me too. I mean, you are my best friend but it’s always felt like a little more, I found myself wanting to protect you as much as I could. I had this huge epiphany when I realized that you were always going to be more than a friend to me, whenever you got in fights with Noah I had to remind myself constantly, stay in your lane. But when you weren’t fighting, I was just withdrawn. It hurt to hear about” He laughed. “One day, I realized that those weren’t normal feelings people usually have with their best friends,” He shook his head, smiling at the ground. “If I’m honest, I’ve always really liked you but it wound up taking a back burner because whether you were single or not, I just wanted to be there for you,” 

“I thought I was going to lose you, I really thought I had done myself in with this,” He laughed softly. 

“I don’t think you could get rid of me if you tried,” he joked, I smiled as our eyes locked. We held eye contact for a moment, neither of our smiles fading. He brought a hand up to touch my face, running his thumb over my cheekbone. My skin tingled in the wake of where he touched it. 

“I don’t know if this is a good idea but,” He began, smiling. “Can I kiss you?” He asked softly, his eyes darting around to examine my face, looking for a reaction. I nodded as he brought his other hand up to cup the remaining side of my face and leaned down. Our lips touched gently and I could feel his rigid actions begin to soften. I wrapped my arm loosely around his waist, pulling him closer to me. I could feel him smiling. Our bodies inched closer together, more and more comfortably as our walls crumbled. He pulled away, both of us breathing heavily. He touched his forehead to mine, his hands still resting on my face. I let out a lengthy breath, laughing as it came to an end. Bobby pulled me into a tight embrace, our bodies pressed together. I rested my head against his chest. I could hear his heart beating. 

“This is a dream come true, Ruby,” He said, running a hand over my back. 

“Chelsea always used to say this stupid quote,” I mused, “Love is like if you set friendship on fire,” I smiled to myself “I don’t think I really got it until now,” He laughed. “She always told me how much she wanted something like that, and now I feel so lucky, because I think I may have got it,” He chuckled. 

“So this is happening?,” He asked softly, as if he couldn’t believe it. 

“This is happening,” I repeated. We stood in silence, reveling in each others embrace. 

“You have no idea how good it feels to finally be holding you,” He said, his chin resting on the top of my head, I pressed my face further into his chest. 

“I’m so happy right now,” I whispered, the worry in my mind dissipating. He pulled away and I could finally see his sparkling smile. 

“It’s crazy how two people can both want something so badly, and completely miss the opportunity if neither one has the courage to speak up,” He pushed his hair back and squeezed my hand. 

“You’re just lucky I can’t hold my alcohol,” 

“How’s your hangover?” he asked, “I mean you _must_ have one,” he added, laughing. 

“I feel like I got kicked in the head,” I shrugged. “It could be worse though,” I admitted. I backed up and sat on the edge of the bed, grabbing a hair tie off of the desk next to me. I gathered my wet hair into a ponytail, I touched the damp spot on my neck where my hair had been sitting. 

“You should eat something, that always helps for me,” He suggested, stuffing his hands into his pockets, “I’ll grab you something on my way back from class if you want,” He added, checking his watch. The warm glow of the mid morning sun lit up his cheek, I closely studied his face. The spattering of freckles across his nose, the golden reflects in his iris, the startling pinkness of his lips. “I’ve got to run soon if I don’t want to be late,” he gestured towards the door. I stood up and wrapped my arms around his neck, a slight smile on my face. He removed his hands from his front pocket and laid them gingerly on my waist. He smiled back at me, his head cocked slightly. I pushed myself up onto the balls of my feet, closing my eyes as I leaned forward to kiss him. He met me halfway, pressing his lips to mine, the space between us closing. He pulled back, our foreheads touching. 

“Strawberry lip balm?” I giggled. He smiled and shook his head slightly as he kissed me again, this time more intensely as he moved his hands up my back. he chuckled and pecked me on the lips again, his warm hands lingering on my cheeks.

“More or less,” There was a muffled giggle from behind me. I snapped open my eyes, startled. Bobby’s eyes were wide, fixated on a point behind me. I whipped my head around. Chelsea stood in the door, her hands covering her open mouth. She pulled her hands away, her look of shock transformed into a wide smile. I turned back to look at Bobby, a soft pinkness flushed under his eyes. He smiled and leaned down, softly kissing the top of my head.

“talk later,” He said, punching Chelsea in the arm as he slipped past her in the doorway. She turned around leaning out the door. 

“Bobby!” she exclaimed, giggling. 

“Bye, Chelsea,” I heard him call back from down the hall. Chelsea watched for a moment, then kicked the door closed, still giggling to herself. 

“Ruby!” She squealed, jumping to give me a hug. She threw herself into me, both of us falling onto the bed. She pushed herself back up into a sitting position, looking at me eagerly. 

“How long were you standing there?” I asked, prodding her with my toe. She smiled mischievously.

“Strawberry lip balm?” She mocked, her voice higher than normal, batting her eyelashes. I laughed, hugging a pillow from the bed. 

“Shut up!” I shrieked as she giggled in response. She stood up from the bed,

“As he was leaving just now he did this cute little victory dance” She jumped in the air pumping her fists “you know?” I felt myself blushing as she crashed back down onto the bed, I covered my face with the pillow. 

“Oh my god, I love him,” I laughed, muffled through the pillow, she squealed excitedly. 

“What _happened?_ ” She asked, slapping my leg. I pulled the pillow off of my face, hugging it again. 

“Last night, I had to work on this paper that made me feel like a shitty person, and Noah left me a voicemail that made me sad, basically. So I got champagne drunk and walked to Bobby’s dorm, and get this” I added sarcastically, “confessed my love to him, and then I fell asleep in his bed and he crashed on his next door neighbor’s futon, who is a total asshole by the way. That’s why I wasn’t home,” She laughed, 

“That sounds like a rom com,” 

“I think that’s where drunk me got the idea,” I admitted, giggling. “I was over here, thinking I had ruined one of my only good friendships, and then he comes over here all ‘can I kiss you?’” I squealed. 

“When I was parking my car last night I saw you walking across the courtyard. I called out to you but you were just super determined, I think,” I chuckled, 

“You’re not _wrong,_ ” I joked. She bit her lip nervously, looking to the side.

“Act surprised if he tells you, but, he asked me if I thought you’d be interested a while ago, like years ago,” 

“Really?” I asked.

“Yeah!” she insisted, “He had this whole plan on how to talk to you about it, but when he saw you and Noah together first hand, he didn’t want to anymore,” I felt a smile spread across my face. “He told me, freshman, or sophomore year, ‘I don’t know how but I want to end up with her’ and every once in a while when we were all together, studying or whatever, I would catch him looking at you and I could tell those feelings never went away,”

“He is so sweet,” I cooed. 

“When we were talking yesterday and you were saying how you didn’t know why you broke up with him, I started thinking,” She tapped her chin, screwing her face into mock concentration. “Is this what I think it is?” She laughed. I raised my eyebrows at her. 

“Imp-,” 

“Impressive? I know,” she flipped her hair exaggeratedly. I squeezed the pillow tighter, giddy.

“I’ve got butterflies, Chels,” She grimaced slightly. 

“Listen, I am incredibly happy for both of you, and I don’t mean to rain on your parade, but if you are going to do this you need to talk to Noah as soon as possible,” 

“I don’t think he wants to talk to me,” I said, running a finger across my lips nervously. 

“He may be hurt but he’s still capable of acting like an adult,” 

“He thinks I cheated on him,” I told her, covering the bottom of my face with the pillow so that only my eyes were peeking out. 

“with Bobby?” I nodded, “Did you?” 

“God, no. I broke up with him because I felt terrible just thinking about hurting him like that,” She rubbed her forehead. 

“That makes it a lot more complicated,” She said. 

“Believe me, I’ve thought about it,” 

“Um,” She leaned forward onto her fist, her eyebrows drawn. “Just invite him to a meeting spot and talk it out,” I nodded, “I mean be nice, of course” She added, “But if you want to be with Bobby, you have to make the timeline clear, and make it clear that it’s over permanently,” I pinched the bridge of my nose. 

“That’s going to suck,” 

“Yeah, it is,” she agreed. “I don’t want to sugar coat it,” She laughed lightly “I sound like a lawyer,” I cracked a wry smile. Chelsea threw herself down so she was laying on her stomach next to me, propped up on her elbows. “I didn’t mean to make you upset, but you do have to address it,”

“You didn’t!” I said, slapping her arm. “It would be really hard to make me sad right now. Sure, talking to Noah is something I have to do, and it’s not going to be fun, I know, but right now? I’m so over the moon I barely even care,” She giggled burying her head in the crook of her elbow. “I’m pretty sure you could tell me anything right now and Id just be swooning, this is all i’ve ever wanted and more,” She smiled. “With Noah, it’s almost like he was my boyfriend, but not my friend. I can tell Bobby anything without fear of judgement, Noah was jealous. When I got good news, my first thought was almost always to tell Bobby, or you, never Noah. When I would sing in my car, I wished Bobby was there with me, no one else,” She looked at me, listening intently. “And don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that our relationship was totally devoid of love, Noah was intelligent, compassionate, caring, and he did love me, we had a good relationship. I had a great time with his mother, his little siblings loved me. Those things mean so much to me, but they came with time. As much as I hate to leave him, I know I’ll be happier with Bobby. I _know_ he’ll be there for me. He’s shown me time and time again how amazing he can be, I know he cares about me. He’s the one whos with me through the nitty gritty. If Bobby calls me at night, it’s because he needs me, not because he thinks I'm out cheating,” Chelsea place a hand on my shoulder tentatively, I rubbed my eye. 

“Ruby…” she whispered. 

“Noah and I would get in these screaming matches. He constantly thought I was cheating on him with whoever I was close to that week, classmates, friends, Bobby, more than once,” She cocked her head. “They would always end with one of us walking out. And when one of us cracked and came back, we would act like nothing happened. I love him, but I’m tired. I have a real chance at love here and I’m not going to let it pass me by,” I looked over to Chelsea, who looked at me, slight concern written on her face. “Sorry, I was rambling,” a small smile crept onto her lips. 

“Babe, I think you needed to,” She giggled. “You’re just lucky that I'm a good listener,” She sighed and pushed herself into a cross legged position on the bed next to me. “Look, I'm going to be real with you. There aren’t many things I know for sure, but what I _do_ know is that you did the right thing by leaving,” I sat up with a huff. “If it was ever any consolation, you made the right decision,”

“I know. I look at Bobby and I know,” Chelsea smiled at me. 

“You’re giving me real power couple vibes already,” She shifted slightly. “It’s like a movie!” She laid the back of her hand against her forehead, leaning back dramatically, she suppressed a laugh. “Oh, Bobby, whatever will I do…” Her eyes darted over to me quickly before she burst into laughter, she leaned over her knees. “like a vintage drama,” I heard her whisper to herself before launching back into shrieking laughter. I smiled and shook my head as she wiped her eyes, her breathing started to slow. “It’s so perfect,” She gestured grandly, smiling. “I didn’t think things worked out like this in real life,” I felt myself smiling. 

“I know, I’m lucky,” She pressed a hand to her forehead, obviously excited. 

“I mean, you’re both pining over each other without the other knowing, for who knows how long. You fall into his arms and it doesn’t go wildly wrong?” She pointed at me, smiling. “That isn’t supposed to happen,” I know she’s right. While it was happening, I wasn’t really thinking about how wrong it could go, all the things that had to line up to make it work. Marching across the courtyard in the dark, my inhibitions lowered, I just wanted to be with him. I didn’t understand how I could ruin everything, or make everything right with just a few words. I smiled to myself, the room silent once again. Chelsea looked off, thinking. “Do you want to text Noah now?” her voice was sharp and squeaky. 

“Right now?” 

“Yeah, I could help you write it,” She said, flopping back down next to me. I pulled my phone out reluctantly as she peered over my shoulder. I unlocked it, opening my text conversation with Noah. “please answer me” The bottom text read. Chelsea cleared her throat. 

“Right,” She said, seemingly ignoring the previous text. “What do you want to say?” I stared at the blinking cursor uncertainly. 

“This feels like junior high,” I sighed 

“Yeah, but it’s easier than doing it alone,” She said, resting her chin on my shoulder. I started to type, speaking out loud as I wrote each word. 

“Hey. I’m sorry about the way we left things last night.” 

“That’s good…” Chelsea whispered. I continued,

“I wasn’t in the right headspace to talk this through with you then, but I can now, and I think it’s important that we do.” I bit my lip “I don’t know what else to say, Chels,” she craned her neck to reread what I had written. 

“Ask to meet him for coffee at the place by the science building,” She added, pointing to my phone. “It’s nice and neutral,” My finger hovered above the screen. 

“Do you know what it’s called?” She shook her head, I continued to type. 

“Can I meet you at that coffee spot down the hill from the science building?” She nodded.

“Send it,” she said, nodding towards the screen. I complied, pressing the button and setting my phone down on the bed, rolling onto my back. 

“Now we wait,” I said, folding my hands on my stomach, she sighed and stood up, stretching. My phone dinged and she immediately jumped back onto the bed, I rolled over. 

“Well, we didn’t have to wait very long at all,” She commented, one eyebrow raised. I laughed. 

“I don’t know whether to be relieved or worried,” I opened the text, slightly nervous. 

“I can meet you at noon.” it read. Chelsea looked to me, shocked. 

“What time is it?” I glanced down at my watch. 

“It’s 11:23” 

“Text him back, say yes,” She said, standing up. I pursed my lips, unsure. 

“Do I have enough time to get ready?” I asked. She nodded enthusiastically,

“I’ll help you,” 

“Okay, okay,” I said, giggling slightly at her eagerness. “I’ll see you then.” I typed. I showed my phone to Chelsea, who nodded, and hit send. I stood up, “What now?” 


	2. Chapter 2

I stood in front of the dresser, holding up different articles of clothing for Chelsea to see. I pulled a pink shirt out from the drawer. She shook her head.

“It’s too playful. You need poised, mature,” I giggled, shaking my head. I traded the pink shirt for a white, linen one.

“What about this?” I asked, holding it out for her to feel. 

“Okay, No. I said poised and mature, not 80,” She said, placing it back in the drawer, I bit my lip to keep from laughing. She reached in and pulled out a plain grey t-shirt. “It’s classic, dignified. You’re elegant, but not dressing to impress,” the laugh I had been holding finally escaped my lips. “Seriously,” She insisted, “It’s more important than you think,” she held the shirt out to me. I took it and put it on, turning to face her. “Perfect, and keep those jeans on,” I glanced down to the ripped jeans I was wearing, shrugging slightly. She turned on her phone, checked the time and shut it again, tucking it away. “Sit down.” She said, pulling out the desk chair. “I’ll do your hair, you do makeup,” I sat down, settling into the chair as she reached over me to plug in her flat iron. I grabbed my makeup bag, carefully plucking select products out. Chelsea stood behind me, combing my hair with her fingers. There was a soft silence as she checked the temperature of the flat iron, hovering her hand around the edge. She clicked it open and closed a few times before gliding it over a small section of my hair, she was humming some sort of ballad. I leaned closer to the mirror, dusting eyeshadow carefully onto my eye. 

“I’m kind of nervous,” I sighed. “I mean, I know he’s going to get angry,” 

“Whatever he says,” She said, concentrated on my hair, tousling it so it laid straight. “You can’t let it get to you. You know what you’re doing is right, and that’s the only thing that really matters,”

“I just don’t want him to make a big deal,” I added, switching brushes. 

“If he’s making a fool of himself just brush off your shoulders and leave,” She put the flat iron down and turned to face me. “You’re the one making an effort to end things amicably,” She pointed at me, “You are the bigger person,” She said, matter of factly. I gave her a half smile as she returned to her station behind me and continued straightening my hair. 

She set the straightener down and switched it off. 

“You’re done,” She announced as I applied the finishing touches to my makeup. She spun me around to face her and checked the time again. “You should be good in terms of time, you might have to walk a little faster, though,” I stood up and strode across the room. I leaned one hand against the wall, pulling on my boots one at a time. Chelsea grabbed my jacket off the wall, handing it to me. 

“If he starts to get angry, just walk away,” She stated. I held the jacket bunched in my fists in front of me. I nodded quickly and flashed her a fake smile of acknowledgement. “Don’t even think about it. I’m sorry I even said anything,” She added with a genuine smile, thumping me on the shoulder as she opened the door, signaling for me to go first. I walked out into the hall and turned to face her as she grabbed her bag and shut the door behind her. 

“It’s okay,” I said, mostly as a reminder to myself. “I need to focus on the here and now, I can’t be bogged down by things I can’t change,” She stood in front of me and looked me up and down one last time, my head pounded dully. 

“Call me after,” she called back as we parted ways. 

I rubbed the cold tip of my nose as I rounded the corner. I looked up at the brick building nestled into the side of the hill, Sophie’s, the sign read. I walked quickly up the hill, trying to calm myself. I spotted Noah in the window, sitting alone, two paper cups in front of him. I took a deep breath before swinging open the heavy glass door, I tried to fake my confidence as best I could. He turned as the door shut behind me, smiling slightly as he saw me. I walked over to the table and removed my jacket, hanging it on the back of the chair. 

“Hi,” I said, trying my best to keep up my smile. I sat down across from him. He slid one of the cups across the table towards me. 

“Hey,” He replied softly. He ran a hand across his unshaven cheek. I cocked my head slightly. 

“I’d say the beard was a good look for you, under better circumstances,” He chuckled softly, the corner of his mouth upturning. I sipped from the coffee cup slowly. A strong bitterness spread across my tongue. I looked to Noah, my eyebrows raised. 

“What?” he asked, half smiling. “All this time and you think I don’t know that you like your coffee black?” he looked down, the smile on his face quickly fading as he remembered why he was here. 

“Noah, I just want to give you closure. I want us to be able to air all of our grievances in a mature way and end this on a positive note,” He scanned my face as I spoke. 

“So this is it?” he asked, gesturing to the air between us, sadness written on his face. I bit my lip anxiously. 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t more mature with you, honestly,” 

“I think you were mature as you needed to be,” he responded almost immediately, I furrowed by brow. I wasn’t quite sure what he meant. He looked up at me, and for a split second, our eyes met. He looked tired. “So you and Bobby?” His voice was sharp, it somehow seemed devoid of emotion and teeming with sadness all at once. I looked at him and shook my head, 

“Not in the way that you think,” He stared back at me, one eyebrow raised. 

“Really?” 

“I think that we could have something real,” I said, barely able to look at him. He scoffed at me, leaning back in his chair. 

“Something real?” 

“That was a poor choice of words,” I admitted, resting my head in my hands briefly. ”I really like him and I think we could be really good together,” He rubbed the bridge of his nose. 

“Why did you lead me on?” he asked softly. “I mean, you’ve known Bobby longer than you’ve known me,” I shook my head quickly. 

“You’ve got it wrong. The moment I started to see him as more than a friend, I broke up with you. I care about you, I would never string you along like that,” I took a deep breath. Noah looked at me quizzically, with clear tones of resentment in his eyes. The soft winter sun cast white washed shapes on the table. “I'm not proud of myself like this. I’m sorry, Noah.” He held my gaze for a moment before looking down. He stared at the table for a moment before looking back up. 

“I would always get these comments whenever I would talk about us, ‘Oh I thought she was with Bobby.’ Or ‘Isn’t she with that kid from stats?’” I forgot they had a class together. He leaned in, whispering, “I feel fucking stupid,” He scoffed. “I should’ve never believed you were just friends,”

“I didn’t cheat on you,” I insisted.

“Really?” He spat, folding his arms. 

“Do you want me to say that I did?” I said, gesturing to the table. He breathed hard through his nose. “I didn’t plan it. I never thought I would have to do this with you, but I am not a liar, and I am definitely not a cheater,” Noah didn’t react, I wasn’t sure if he was even listening. 

“The way I see it, there is little difference between hooking up with some guy the day before you break up with me or the day after. The feelings have been there regardless,” he spoke quietly, his voice tense. “What bothers me, is that I have to face him, looking like a fool,” What I did was much worse than a drunken one night stand. I didn’t want to correct him, maybe it was better left if he thought it was hot and heavy, unthinking sex rather than my drunk self being vulnerable and spending a quiet night in his bed. I knew that the record needed to be set straight.

“I actually see a future with him, Noah,” He looked down, deflated. It took a moment before he spoke again. 

“ _ I _ was finally starting to see a future with  _ you  _ and you pulled the rug out from under me. Don’t you see that? You completely blindsided me,” I hesitated, taken aback.

“It wasn’t you, you need to believe me. I don’t want you to beat yourself up over something you had no control over,”

“How could I not, Ruby? I loved you and I thought you did too. I am going to beat myself up. I did everything in my power and still,” he gestured wildly, “I couldn’t keep you,” 

“I did love you, I did. Nothing you did made me leave. It’s not that you weren’t good enough, or didn’t do enough. It was a matter of time, Noah,” I hesitated. “We never stood a chance,” He fell silent, hurt. I felt a strong pang of guilt in my chest.

“Maybe to you, but not to me, Ruby,” I noticed a girl staring at me from behind her laptop, I lowered my voice. 

“I’m sorry, Noah, truly. I hope that eventually you’ll be able to see how this is in both of our best interests,” It was times like these where I faltered, struck by how much pain he seemed to be in, every time. 

“Yeah. I hope so too, because right now I’m having some trouble,” 

“I never wanted to hurt you,” I pleaded, my voice trembling. 

“Don’t,” he scoffed, “Don’t even say that,” He stared down into his cup of coffee. I steeled myself. 

“Noah, I know you’re hurting but If you think that I’m not hurting too, you’d be sorely mistaken. A long term relationship is a long term relationship regardless of the terms we ended it on,” I swallowed hard. “I’m not going to make excuses. I know I did hurt you, and I’m sorry,” He clutched his hands around the paper cup as if struggling to keep warm. I pulled a few dollars and some change out from my bag, leaving it scattered on my table, I glanced at him quickly. “For the coffee,” I saw his eyes follow me up as I stood slowly, taking my jacket off the back of the chair and throwing it over my arm. I stood idly beside the table where he was still seated, He didn’t look up. I placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Noah, you taught me so much about life. I hope one day we can look back on this in a positive light,” It sounded rehearsed.

“Yeah, Okay,” He scoffed. I frowned, withdrawing my hand bitterly. I shook my head, walking away. My boot heels clicked loudly against the coffee shop’s stone floors as I pushed the door open, the harsh cold enveloping me immediately. 

I stepped onto the sidewalk, throwing my jacket back around my shoulders. I glanced over my shoulder, I could see Noah still looking at me through the coffee shop’s storefront. I rubbed my hands together absentmindedly, ignoring him the best I could. I shot a quick look up the hill. I smiled as I saw Bobby bounding down the hill towards me. 

“Hey!” He yelled, smiling. He waved a paper bag in the air. He stopped just in front of me, his warm breath suspended in puffs of steam in front of him. “Fancy meeting you here,” He held the bag out to me. “I got you a breakfast sandwich, and gatorade if you’re still not feeling well,” I smiled, taking the bag.

“Thank you, you didn’t have to do that,” He put his arms around me and pulled me closer. 

“But I wanted to,” He answered, chuckling. 

“I was just talking to Noah,” I said, trying to force down the smile on my face. 

“Heh, really?” I heard the coffee shop door jingle and turned around. Noah walked towards me briskly. Bobby brought his arms back to his sides and turned so we were standing shoulder to shoulder, his face ridden with confusion. 

“I want my shit back,” Noah hissed. 

“Okay,” I replied, desperately trying to diffuse the situation “I’ll give it back, all of it,” 

“I wasted two, almost three years of my life on you, and for what? you to move on this quickly?” 

“Calm down, please” I said, almost begging, a familiar feeling running over me. 

“Don’t you fucking dare,” He breathed, pointing at me. “Don’t tell me to calm down,” He took several steps closer to me, tears beginning to prickle my eyes. 

“Hey, hey!” Bobby said sharply, stepping in front of me, forcing himself between us. Noah fell back, laughing bitterly. Bobby started to back up, an arm in front of me. Noah breathed in sharply and shook his head, he lurched forward and grabbed Bobby’s wrist.

“Stay away from my girl,” His voice was a low growl, his breathing heavy. Bobby looked him up and down before jerking his hand away. 

“What the fuck?” he whispered, shaking his head. He turned slowly, fumbling behind him for my hand. I looked at Noah, anger rising in me.

“God!” I exclaimed through clenched teeth. Bobby started back down the hill, staring daggers at Noah as he walked away. I trailed a step or two behind him, my heart pounding, his hand still tightly gripping mine. I let out a loud huff, catching up a moment later. 

“is your wrist okay?” I asked, reaching for his hand. He laughed. 

“It’s okay,” He turned it a few times to demonstrate, “See?” I smiled. 

“Uh, I’m really sorry, you got dragged into this. He’s angry at me,” Bobby gave my hand a quick, reassuring squeeze. “Somehow, he still can’t see why I broke up with him, even when he acts like that. I wish we could act like adults, get closure and move on,” I added with a sigh. 

“He shouldn’t talk to you like that,” 

“That was the last time,” I said, “I’ll have Chelsea bring him his things. I don’t want to speak to him again,” He stopped at the bottom of the hill, rubbing his thumb over the back of my hand. “He’s got a breakup beard?” I turned to face Bobby, nodding. It was clear he wanted to move on to a lighter subtopic.

“A little one,” He laughed,

“It would suit him better if he wasn’t such a seething ball of pent up rage, but you know,” He squeezed my hand one last time before letting it go. He was obviously shaken, he glanced back up the hill briefly. I rubbed my forehead. 

“I’m really, really sorry,” He smiled at me, and for a moment, I felt time stand still as I smiled stupidly back. He ran a hand over my hair, planting a kiss on my forehead. “Seriously, don’t worry about it. If you’re okay, I’m okay,” He studied me for a second before continuing. “Just call me if you need anything,” He squeezed my shoulder and walked away. 

“Bye!” I responded, biting my tongue. ‘I love you!’ I pictured myself calling out. Instead, I smiled at the ground, clutching the bag tightly in front of me. I glanced back up the hill, where Noah was still standing, his head in his hands. 

I sat in bed, my binder open in my lap. I looked over the revisions I made last night. A wider, loopier version of my handwriting was scrawled in the margins, most of the annotations were unreadable, irrelevant or totally incoherent. I laughed slightly, scratching out another illegible phrase and replacing it with a generic bullet. A few, however, on the pages littered with dried teardrops were surprisingly profound. I heard a muffled phone ring from under the blanket. I threw aside the heavy blanket, running my hand underneath it. I pulled it out and answered it in one swift motion. 

“Hello?” 

“Do you want to grab dinner?” It was Bobby. I smiled. 

“Isn’t it kind of late?” I asked, searching my immediate area for some way to check the time without having to put down the phone. 

“The diner’s open like all night,” He answered with a chuckle. I closed my binder and swung my legs over the side of the bed. 

“Yeah, let’s go, then,” I said, finding myself instinctively smiling, looking at the ground. 

“I’ll be over in five,” 

“See you then,” I whispered as he hung up. I stood up from the bed and stretched, I put my binder away along with the rest of the study materials strewn across the bed. I turned to look in the mirror, a certain spring in my step, I grabbed my shoes from by the door and slipped them on. I looked in the mirror again and smiled at myself. My phone buzzed in my hand. ‘im outside’ his text read, punctuated with a smiley face. I glanced at the box of Noah’s things I had gathered, then back at Bobby’s text. ‘coming’ I replied as I grabbed my purse off it’s hook, relishing the feeling of butterflies in my stomach. 

I walked to the street briskly in the cold. I saw Bobby check himself in the rear view mirror and turn down the radio as I approached his car. I opened the door, a blast of warm air hitting me as I slid into the seat, a bass heavy song playing softly. Bobby had a huge grin spread across his face. 

“Hey,” He said, obviously trying to tone down the excitement in his voice. I pulled the door shut. 

“Hi,” I replied, putting my hand over his on the gearshift. He took my hand in his and gave it a quick squeeze before letting go. He put on his seat belt and put the car in drive, he nodded towards me, smiling. 

“Seatbelt,” I felt the butterflies in my stomach start up again. 

“Yeah, sorry,” I fumbled with the buckle before clicking it in, He smiled.

“Always better safe than sorry,” He stopped for a moment, thinking, his eyebrows drawn together. He waved his hand in front of him. “I don’t even want to think about it, better safe than sorry,” He reiterated as I took his hand again. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” I reassured him as we pulled away from the dorm. 

“I know,” He moved his hand to my leg, running his thumb over my thigh. We sat in silence for a moment, the soft music steadily playing, one song smoothly into the next. The car filled with yellow light as we passed each street light, Bobby’s light eyes sparkling. 

“Your neighbor is a real asshole, you know that?” I joked.

“Yeah, I was going to apologize to you about that,” His laugh sounded slightly nervous. “I yelled at him this morning, turns out he didn’t realize it was you until you were already gone, he was all like” he put on a hokey southern accent. “Oh shit! was that Ruby?” He laughed softly. “And then he told me that he was an ass, or in his own words,” He resumed the accent. “I think I might have been a little rude,” I smiled at his over the top but also jarringly accurate impression “I freaked out and ran over to your dorm. Total shit show, so sorry about that,” I laughed. 

“Don’t be, seriously,” I added as we turned into the parking lot. Truth be told, I had put up with worse. He turned off the car. The red building’s chrome details shined under the moonlight, a neon 24-hour sign twinkled in the window. 

“You ready?” He asked, the keys jingling as he stuffed them in his pocket. I nodded as we both got out from the car, the car doors slamming in near perfect unison. We met at the front of the car and walked side by side towards the door, he intertwined his fingers with mine. He leaned into the glass door, pushing it open. As we stepped over the threshold into diner I was instantly hit with the smell of strong coffee with a strange, sweet, acidity added. Chelsea was behind the counter, wiping it down. The diner was empty, with the exception of a tired looking mother sitting across from a child coloring the back of a paper place mat, and a middle aged man wearing reading glasses sitting at the counter, sipping coffee and doing a crossword puzzle. She looked up as the bell above the door jingled. 

“Oh my god, Hi!” she threw the dingy rag down on the counter with a flourish, she looked almost relieved to see us. She nodded to the line of booths against the front window. “I’ll be over in a second,” I looked over to Bobby who gave me a shrug. I felt my lips curl into a slight smile as I led Bobby to a booth. We both slid into the booth, he smiled at me as I placed my bag next to me on the bench. 

“What?” I asked, giggling. Chelsea sauntered over to the table, two paper place mats billowing behind her. She placed them on the table and clunked down a set of utensils next to each. She stood back with her arms crossed playfully. 

“This is a really nice surprise, I've got to say,” She said, taking out her notepad and flipping back a few pages. 

“You know me, I love spontaneity,” He joked, raising one eyebrow at her. She laughed.

“I get so bored here I would actually rather watch paint dry!” she added, waving her hand. She noticed the man at the counter looking and cleared her throat loudly. “You don't get paid to do that, though,” Her eyes darted to me, then to Bobby as she smiled. “I'm so caffeinated right now,” She said, leaning in as if she were telling a secret. 

“I can tell,” I said, returning her wide smile. “Speaking of, could I get some coffee?” 

“Me too,” Bobby added.

“Oh yeah, totally!” She scribbled on the yellow notepad. “We just closed the kitchen for the night but I could get you anything from the dessert case, If you’d like,” Bobby leaned forward over the table, clearly excited. 

“I want cake,” He laughed for a second. “Chocolate cake would be really good right about now,” She giggled.

“You got it,” She flipped the pad closed. She glanced at the mother, waiting at the register, her child sleeping on her hip. “I'll be right back with everything,” She said as she turned on her heel and walked away. I watched them greet each other as they both smiled. 

“I feel like we haven't done anything like this in forever,” I admitted, resting my arms on the table. 

“That's because we haven't,” he laughed, “the last time we did anything like this was freshman year, I think,” He said, the smile on his face faltered slightly before perking back up. “We did everything together that year, that Christmas was one of the best I’ve ever had,” I smiled at the memory. I didn't have anywhere to go that Christmas, I had a massive argument with my parents the day before December break and my plans instantly went down the drain. They treated me like family when I needed it the most. To this day, Bobby and his family taking me under their wing remains one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me. “My parents thought we were fucking, though,” I laughed, shocked out of my thoughts. 

“I slept on the floor!” He blushed as we both continued to laugh. He traced out the size and shape of a small box using his hands. “They bought me a pack of condoms, told me to be safe,” I shook my head, still laughing. He fanned himself, his face beet red. “I was so embarrassed,”

“They're so sweet, I dont think thats how my parents would have handled it,” He nodded, his face started to return to it’s normal color. 

“I didn’t always think so, but now I know they’re cool,” Chelsea came striding back over, two white mugs hooked on her finger, a glass container of coffee in the other hand and a plate of cake balanced on her arm. She put down the glass carafe first, placed the cake in the middle of the table then distributed the mugs. She poured the coffee as she hummed along to the song playing from a radio on the counter. She turned and swiped a bowl of creamers from the table next to us. 

“Call me if you need anything else,” She said, flashing us a bright smile before walking away again. Bobby grabbed a fist full of creamers from the bowl, he carefully tore each open and poured them in one by one. I tore the corner off of my place mat and balled it up between my fingers. He ripped open several packets of sugar at once and poured them all into the cup, I watched contentedly as the crystals hit the surface and dissolved, He fumbled with the napkin full of utensils for a second before undoing the paper ribbon carefully. He took out his knife and stirred it, leaving the rest of the bundle scattered in front of him. I peered into my cup, still and black and smiled softly. “I love you” I think. I feel the words on my lips as, just for a moment, I thought I would be brave enough to say them. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” He asked, smiling goofily. I took the crumpled piece of paper and flicked it at him, as if it was my plan all along. “Hey!” He exclaimed, laughing.  _ I never want to go another day without hearing that laugh. _ I took a long sip from my mug, I knew I had all the time in the world. 


	3. Chapter 3

“You know…” He stabbed at the piece of cake laid on its side on the plate in front of him. “I think mine is better,” He held the fork out to me, “try it,” I took the fork, smiling at his confidence. I took a bite of cake off of the fork, handing it back. It tasted like dessert from a cheap dinner buffet somewhere in middle america. 

“It definitely is,”

“It’s too dry. Rookie mistake,” His eyes flicked up for a moment before he poked at the cake again. I smiled faintly. 

“What's your trick then?” I asked, leaning forward onto the table. He laughed heartily. 

“I don’t have one” He shook his head, “I just don’t over bake it,” 

“Oh? I’m sorry, Master Chef,” I retorted, laughing. He mimed dusting off his shoulders.

“What can I say?” He let out an airy laugh as he scooped the check from the table. “Real talk, I could never win Master Chef. I like to think I would be a shoo in for Holiday Baking Championship, though,” I raised an eyebrow, giggling. 

“I can’t tell if you’re joking or not,” He stood up and stretched as I forked a few dollars from my wallet and laid them on the table. 

“Oh, I’m so serious. I’d crush them,” He strolled over to the cash register, I trailed a few steps behind. “All you have to do on that show is be creative and not mess up, I’d have it in the bag,” He stopped in front of the counter where the cash register sat. I held up a finger and walked behind the counter. I leaned into the shiny, metal kitchen door and stuck my head in. 

“Chels?” She was wiping down a metal countertop, her hair tucked into a stubby ponytail. She looked up at me and smiled for a second as she continued to clean. 

“Heading out?” I nodded. “Just leave the check on the counter, I’ll get it on my way out,” She threw the rag down on the shined counter. “I'll see you at home?” She asked, an arm rested on her hip tiredly. I nodded. 

“Yeah, and the tips on the table,” She waved goodbye as she tucked a stray hair behind her ear and continued to work. I let the kitchen door swing shut behind me as I waltzed back across the room to the main entrance. I nodded towards the door. “She said just to leave it on the counter,” Bobby placed the bill on the counter with a few bills neatly stacked on top. He reached into his back pocket and dropped some coins on top. 

“Lets go,” He said, smiling as I held the door open for him. 

He drew his keys from his pocket as we both walked outside, the frigid air dry and crisp. He unlocked the car and slid in, bouncing in his seat as he turned the key. I reached across the dashboard and turned up the heat. He looked over at me, laughing and smiling wildly as he rubbed his hands together. 

“Every winter you’re surprised when it gets cold,” I clasped my cold fingertips against the underside of my chin. 

“I can’t help it!” he laughed, pressing his hands against the vents. I pulled my legs up close to my chest, my heels perched on the edge of the seat. 

“Were you trying to make Noah jealous? Earlier today,” The words came from my mouth before I could weigh any consequences, before I could stop them. He took his hands down. 

“I didn’t think of it like that at all,” He reached over and ran his hand over my hair as he did this morning. “Caring gestures, you know?” I felt myself smile. 

“You’re so sweet,” 

“Like candy” He added, with a slight nod and a smile. There was silence for a beat as he readjusted in his seat to face me, “You’re kind of a steady hand for me, I think. You put my mind at ease. I could tell that you were upset, I mean understandably so,” He smiled, reaching for my hand. “The least I can do is try to return the favor,” He leaned back into his seat and pulled out of the parking lot onto the empty road. I sat silently for a moment, looking out the window as I tried to collect my thoughts. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way about someone before, it’s everything you just said, and more,” I put my feet back on the floor. “I know it’s not just lust because then this would’ve happened a long time ago,” He chuckled softly and laid his free hand on my forearm. “Maybe we’re honeymooning, because everything is warm and glowy and all I want to do is be around you. When I see you smile it’s like, why did I ever fight this?”

“Is it possible to have everything good about honeymooning and everything good about being weathered and old at the same time?” He maintained a straight gaze on the road. 

“I think so,” I replied nodding, almost resolutely. 

“I’m super comfortable around you and I trust you beyond words. Generally, those things come with a long relationship, Right?” He pointed at me, laughing through his words as he continued to speak. “But that’s not how it is, because I have both of those and I’m still very much infatuated with you and literally honeymooning in every aspect,” He pulled into his numbered parking spot and shifted the car into park. “Am I being weird?”

“No, I know exactly what you mean,” I paused. “We have a really strong foundation,” He smiled, and I flashed a smile back. “I don’t really know what this is, but I’m happy about it,” 

“Im happy about it too,” He added laughing. “The logical side of me is like, calm down, reel yourself in. But I don’t think I want to,” I saw his eyes flick up and down over me. “I don’t know, maybe it’s stupid to let myself feel this way so soon,” I shrugged. 

“Sometimes you meet someone and you know that, whether it’s luck, or fate, or a right place at the right time situation, you know that by meeting them you’re doing something right,” I half smiled at him, looking into his eyes. “You waited for me, and I don’t know what I’d do if you hadn’t,” I leaned forward slightly, facing him. I could feel the heat in my ears that usually meant I was blushing. He smiled at me. 

“Sometimes I forget about your mystic way with words” He laughed in anticipation of his own joke. “Have you tried poetry?” 

“Oh, shut up!” I squealed, laughing, I playfully thumped him on the shoulder. He looked to me, his eyes wide, then back down to his shoulder. 

“Ow!” He laughed, shaking his head. There was a shift in the air as he caught his breath. He looked at me out of the corner of his eye as I leaned onto my elbows on the center console. He nodded towards his door as he removed the key from the ignition and cracked the door open. I followed him out of the car and stood with him under the yellow light of the porchlight mounted on the side of the brick building. I stood closely in front of him, the cold already eating through my jacket. He looked down at me wordlessly, setting a gentle hand on my waist. I reached up and placed a gentle, guiding hand on the back of his neck. I felt my lips stretch into a smile as I studied his face, mere inches from mine. I looked to his golden eyes and short, straight eyelashes, and the freckles on his upturned nose. I could feel his hot breath against my face as I looked over his soft cupid’s bow and striking pink lips. I shook my head slightly, beside myself as I closed the space between us and kissed him. I felt his smile, soft and sweet as his hands mirrored mine. His fingers splayed through my hair, tugging on the back of my neck. He roped me in tighter, looping his arm around my waist. He pulled away, his smile just barely persisting in the corner of his mouth.

“Aren’t you cold?” I asked, a dazed smile still lingering on my face. He nodded but gave no further explanation. For a second, there was no sound but the mix of our heavy breathing. It wasn’t long before he pressed his lips to mine again and it was silenced. I laid a hand on his chest and reluctantly, we pulled apart. I could feel him shivering slightly under my hand. He threw a glance towards the glass doors that led to the narrow dorm hallway. I nodded, and he took me by the hand and led me away, through the doors and down the hall. Again, the hall was dimly lit and blue toned but somehow much less intimidating than it had been the night before. He fumbled with the key in the lock for a moment, my hand still intertwined with his. He turned the door handle victoriously and held the door open for me, breathing softly through his nose. He smirked. I walked into the dark apartment, the only light a desk lamp shining on a closed notebook. He kicked the door shut behind him and approached me from behind, wrapping his arms around my waist. He rested his head in the crook of my neck, planting sloppy kisses up the side. He brought one hand to my shoulder and gently coaxed me to turn around. I faced him and wrapped my arms loosely around his neck as our lips found each other yet again. My feet barely touched the ground as we both staggered towards the bed. We broke apart, our foreheads still touching. 

“So this is happening?” He asked, breathlessly. 

“This is happening,” I affirmed, smiling. He laughed and kissed me again, more urgently than before. I ran a hand over his cheek as my body finally made contact with the pillowy softness of his duvet. 

I woke with a start, gently gasping as my eyes flicked open. I felt Bobby’s grip on me tighten as he drew me closer to his chest. 

“You okay?” He asked, his eyes still closed and his words still heavy with sleep. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I answered softly, resting my head against the warm skin of his chest. I laid there quietly for a moment, breathing in the scent of his skin. I listened as his breathing resumed to deep, regular breaths as he fell back asleep. I turned away and laid flat on my back, squinting as the early morning light cascaded through the windows. I fumbled over the edge of the bed for my phone. I pulled it off of the desk with my fingertips, my arm barely long enough to reach. I leaned back onto the bed softly, being careful not to wake him as I checked the time. I sighed and sat up, leaning forward onto my legs, I tried to rub the tiredness from my eyes. 

“Stay” Bobby cooed, holding his arms out for me. I smiled at him as his outstretched arms slowly evolved into a stretch and a yawn. I swung my legs over the side of the bed and grimaced as my bare feet came in contact with the cold tile. 

“We’ve got class at eight,” I sighed, picking my clothes off of the floor. I put the pile of crumpled clothes down on the bed next to me. “I want to go home and get changed, shower if I have time,” I reached behind me and hooked my bra. The duvet tumbled off him as he sat up, he rubbed his eyes.

“What time is it?” I clicked my phone on.

“7:18” He flopped back down onto the bed,

“We’ve got time!” I laughed quietly as I stood to pull up my jeans. I turned to face him again as I smoothed out my shirt. 

“I told Chelsea I’d be home last night, so I have to touch base with her. And even if I wait to shower until after class, I still have to get changed and do my hair and makeup,”

“You don’t need makeup” I cocked my head at him, an eyebrow raised skeptically. 

“Even if I don't do my makeup, I still need to talk to Chelsea, get dressed and fix my hair,” 

“Great,” He chuckled slightly “So you have time to come back to bed,” I smiled and shook my head at him. 

“I think you're underestimating how involved a conversation with Chelsea is,” He laughed, I bunched up my shirt and threw it over my head swiftly, smoothing it again once it was on. I leaned onto the bed. “I like making you laugh,” He propped himself up on his elbow. 

“It's my pleasure,” he added with a quick nod, as if tipping an invisible hat. I quickly scooped my purse from the floor and shoved my phone into my back pocket, I leaned down and gave him a quick goodbye kiss. He trailed a finger under my chin, then gently tapped the tip of my nose as I pulled away. I felt myself blushing. “I'll see you in class?” 

“Yeah” I nodded. “I'll meet you there,” I swung my bag onto my shoulder and opened the door. 

“Ruby?” He asked as I stepped out the door. I perked up and turned around to face him. “This was really nice,” 

“Only nice?” 

“No! No,” He stammered “I meant-” He stopped as he saw me smiling, he shook his head. 

“Joking!” I exclaimed, curbing a laugh. “I can’t believe that got you,” He wagged his finger at me jokingly. “I’ll see you in a few,” I called out as I stepped the rest of the way out of the door. He fell back onto the bed with a breathy laugh. I smiled and shut the door behind me.

I opened the door slowly, trying to make as little noise as possible in case Chelsea was still asleep. As the door inched open, I saw her sitting in bed, her face and the wall behind her illuminated with light from her phone, her hair tucked neatly behind her ears. She looked up at me as I entered. 

“Looks like Bobby got lucky” 

“Shut up!” I shot back, laughing. 

“Well when you didn’t come home I figured things had probably gotten spicy,” I laughed, reaching for the hair brush on the desk. I dragged the brush through my hair, noticing an empty square shaped space on the desk. She saw me eyeing the area where Noah’s things had been. 

“You gave him the box?” I asked, dropping my bag to the floor. 

“You just missed him, five minutes, maybe less,” Suddenly, I was much more grateful for Bobby begging me to stay in bed, wasting time as I put my clothes back on. “it really was that bad, huh?” She put her phone down, resting it face down in her lap.

“Yeah, it was,” I admitted as I gathered my hair into a ponytail. “I mean I told you yesterday, you were here when I threw all his shit in a box, you knew it didn’t go well,” 

“Yeah, I guess, I don’t know,” 

“What happened?” I asked, nerves slowly creeping in. 

“He came by to apologize at 7 in the morning, Ruby. He came by to apologize at seven in the morning and you weren’t here,” She sighed heavily and shrugged. 

“And you gave him his stuff?” 

“Yeah, but only because I know it’s what you wanted me to do. He told me what happened, and It seems like he feels really badly,” 

“He should feel bad,” I sounded unsure. “I was trying to end things amicably and he wouldn’t have any of it. I can’t stand when he gets angry like that,” I sat on the edge of the bed. 

“He seemed really torn up over it. I don’t think he had bad intentions, really,” 

“I really don’t think that’s true, Chels” I crossed my arms across my chest. 

“I…” She faltered. “I think maybe you should’ve looked over your options a little more carefully before you jumped into something new,” I could feel my face heating up. 

“Why are you defending him?” I asked, trying to keep my anger calm. 

“I’m not. I’ll always side with you, 100 percent” She assured me. “It’s just...He was so upset, he was crying,” 

“He’s manipulative, you see that right? With me, it’s always anger, but the second he’s away from me and talking to someone else it’s remorse. I’m so over it!” I exclaimed through grit teeth. 

“I think he was being sincere, Ru” 

“He shouldn’t have come here unsolicited if he didn’t want his feelings hurt, anyway,” 

“Ruby..” She shook her head slightly. 

“How can you watch this from the outside and then tell me I made the wrong decision? You told me!” I yelled, I felt bitterness rising in my throat. “I really thought you were rooting for me...” 

“I am, I am really, it’s just…” She seemed lost for words. I snatched a clean shirt from my dresser and put it on. “I don’t think you made a wrong decision, I just think you might be rushing things and pretending you’ve moved on when you haven’t. No one is expecting you to be okay so soon,” 

“What are you saying?” At this point, my voice sounded more hurt than angry. She took a deep breath as I changed the rest of my clothes. 

“I’m going to be straight with you, okay?” She raised her eyebrows at me in question, I just nodded. “if this is a rebound you need to put a stop to it right now,” She pointed sharply to the door, jabbing at it as she spoke. “Because…” She trailed off, carefully choosing her next words. “Bobby cares about you more than you know. He cares about you and you  _ cannot  _ toy with his feelings like that. if you were ever a good friend you wouldn’t.” 

“It’s not a rebound!” I retorted, shocked. 

“No one moves on this fast,” She attempted to explain and I shook my head harshly. 

“My relationship with Noah was over long before I ended it, and you know it,” 

“You’re being ridiculous,” She mirrored my defensive stance, crossing her arms over her chest just as mine were. 

“I felt like such a piece of shit, sleeping next to Noah and only ever thinking of Bobby. I didn’t love him anymore, and I couldn’t stand leading him on any longer,” I felt as if I could cry. I covered my face with my hands. “I made the choice to try to better my life, and you won't even trust me,” I sighed and returned my hands to my sides. “I really like Bobby, Chelsea. He could  _ never  _ be a rebound,” She pressed her eyebrows together for a moment, and she looked as if she was about to say something, but nothing ever came. I stiffened as she stared off into the blanket. After a moment of uneasy silence between us, her face finally softened. 

“You know I'm only saying this because I care about you, I’m trying to look out for you,” She finally announced, her voice quiet and dampened. 

“I thought I had made it obvious to everyone, except for Noah, maybe, that my wanting to be with him isn’t a new thing,” I breathed deeply as I felt my heart pounding. It felt good, almost like relief, to have it set in stone. “For  _ so  _ long, it’s been Bobby,”

“Okay, I’m sorry,” She sounded defeated. 

“I shouldn’t have snapped at you,” I admitted, suddenly feeling badly. “I know were just trying to help,” She didn’t respond to what I was saying, only looking out with empty shock in her face for a second before she turned to face me. 

“Don’t you have class?” She squeaked. I took in a sharp breath as my eyes widened. 

“Yeah, yeah, I do,” I choked out, shoving things into my backpack. I small laugh tumbled from my lips as I zipped it shut. I rocked the bag onto my shoulder, she stopped me as I threw open the door. 

“We’re good, right?” She asked, smiling. I took a deep, rigid breath. 

“Always, Chels,” 

I opened the classroom door. This time, the classroom was silent as the professor wrote in broad, sweeping strokes on the board. I gently pushed the door shut behind me, listening for the soft click of the latch. I hurried across the room towards my seat, tripping over the foot of another student’s stool as I went. I lurched forward, flailing wildly, just narrowly regaining my footing. A few students turned to look at me as I stood, shocked, before I slowly continued to walk. 

“If you’re going to be late, please at least be quiet about it, Yeah?” The professor commented, not even turning away from the whiteboard. I slid into my seat timidly. 

“You sure know how to make an entrance,” Bobby quipped in a whisper. My face was hot with embarrassment, and I gripped his forearm. I leaned in to whisper in front of him. 

“Shut up!” My voice was light with soft laughter, I laid a hand on my chest. ”That was really scary,” I let out another breathy laugh. I laid my head on his shoulder quickly, only resting there for a second before I sat back up, retrieving my things from my bag. Our knees touched underneath the table as the professor continued to teach. 

I stood in the congregation of students lazily milling out of the room. Bobby stood behind me, struggling to see out of the door above the mass of people. As I walked through the door, I glanced behind me as he grabbed my hand. He flashed me a half smile and lead me into a less crowded offshoot of the main hall. It was quieter, and it didn't have the same buzz of bustling movement as the other hall. The few doors that did line the smaller hall were all closed, it was almost hard to tell if the hallway was used at all. I faced him, he still held my hand in his loosely at his side. 

“I have class with Noah next, I felt like I should let you know. In case he gets mad or something,” He spoke in hushed tones. 

“He’s not going to” 

“And if he does? I don’t want to make things any harder on you,” I smiled softly and ran a hand down his arm. 

“Don’t worry about me, really,” He smiled back, but seemed unsure. “But he’s not going to. It’s an ego thing, I think. It’s embarrassing and he knows it,” I shrugged. “If you’re really worried just avoid him. I wish I could give you more concrete advice, but that’s what I’m planning on, anyway,” He sighed. 

“Ruby…” He held up his hand, palm up, showcasing the light bruise forming underneath his thumb. He let me cradle his hand lightly. He looked down. 

“Bobby, I’m so sorry,” 

“I’m okay, I can handle myself,” He reached up with his other hand to cradle mine, in turn. “It’s you I’m worried about. I don’t know if this is my place, and I’m trying to think of a way to say this without it sounding badly,” I met his eyes. “I love-” His breath hitched. “I love you, and I need to make sure you’re safe,” He raised his eyebrows at me, leaning slightly closer. He began to speak again, a whispering of caring reassurance, but I threw my arms around him before he could get much out. 

“I love you, too” I spoke into his ear. “I love you so much.” As I spoke the words, it felt almost as if I had been holding my breath. They tumbled from my lips powerfully, meaningfully, but naturally all the same. I felt him take a sharp breath. “I’m safe,” I whispered in response. He released the breath slowly. I pulled myself away, retreating back onto my flat feet. He looked back at me, smiling goofily. 

“If he’s bothering you, don’t think you have to keep it from me, ever,” I nodded. 

“I know,” He smiled. There was a beat of silence “I have a feeling that everything is going to work out okay,” 

“I do too,” He squeezed my hand. “Listen, I’ve got to go if I don’t want to be late...” 

“Okay,” I responded, in a barely audible whisper. He leaned in and kissed my cheek quickly.

“I'll call you,” I watched as he disappeared back into the steady flow of students navigating the main hall, and I smiled. Because for the first time in a long time, I knew I was in the right place.


End file.
